Anxiety is a common mental health issue that affects millions of people around the world. It can cause feelings of nervousness, fear, worry, and panic that interfere with your daily life. Anxiety can also affect your relationships, especially with your partner. Sometimes, your partner might unintentionally make your anxiety worse by doing or saying things that trigger your negative emotions.
These conditions are challenging and can affect not only yourself but also your partner and your relationship with them. Sometimes, your partner might make your anxiety worse by doing or saying things that trigger your negative emotions. However, this does not (always) mean that they don’t love you or care about you. It just means that they need to understand more about anxiety and how to support you better.
Here are ten possible reasons why your partner might make your anxiety worse, and some tips on how to cope with them.
1. They don’t understand your anxiety
One of the most frustrating things for people with anxiety is feeling misunderstood by their partner. Your partner might not know what anxiety is, how it affects you, or how to help you. They might think that you are overreacting, being irrational, or seeking attention. They might also get annoyed or impatient with you when you are anxious, which can make you feel worse.
How to cope: Try to educate your partner about anxiety and how it affects you. Explain to them what triggers your anxiety, what symptoms you experience, and what coping strategies work for you. Ask them to be supportive, patient, and empathetic when you are anxious. You can also share some resources with them, such as books, articles, podcasts, or videos about anxiety.
2. They are too critical or judgmental
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too critical or judgmental of you. They might point out your flaws, mistakes, or weaknesses frequently. They might also compare you to others, put you down, or make fun of you. These behaviors can make you feel insecure, inadequate, or worthless. They can also lower your self-esteem and confidence, which can worsen your anxiety.
How to cope: Try to communicate with your partner about how their criticism or judgment affects you. Tell them how it makes you feel and how it impacts your anxiety. Ask them to be more respectful, supportive, and encouraging of you. You can also set some boundaries with them and let them know what kind of feedback you are comfortable with and what kind you are not.
3. They are too controlling or possessive
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too controlling or possessive of you. They might try to dictate what you do, where you go, who you see, or how you spend your time. They might also monitor your phone calls, texts, emails, or social media accounts. They might get jealous or angry if you talk to other people or do things without them. These behaviors can make you feel suffocated, trapped, or isolated. They can also increase your stress and anxiety levels.
How to cope: Try to assert yourself and stand up for your rights and needs. Tell your partner that you are an independent person who has your own interests, hobbies, friends, and goals. Ask them to respect your privacy and freedom. You can also negotiate some compromises with them and find a balance between spending time together and apart.
4. They are too distant or unavailable
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too distant or unavailable for you. They might not show much interest in you, your feelings, or your life. They might not communicate with you regularly or respond to your messages or calls promptly. They might also avoid spending time with you or intimacy with you. These behaviors can make you feel lonely, rejected, or unloved. They can also trigger your insecurities and fears of abandonment.
How to cope: Try to talk to your partner about how their distance or unavailability affects you. Tell them how it makes you feel and how it impacts your anxiety. Ask them to be more attentive, responsive, and affectionate towards you. You can also suggest some ways to improve your connection and intimacy, such as having more quality time together, sharing more about yourselves, or doing something fun or romantic together.
5. They have their own mental health issues
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they have their own mental health issues that they are not dealing with properly. Your partner might have depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, or another mental health condition that affects their mood, behavior, and functioning. They might also have unhealthy coping habits such as substance abuse, gambling addiction, self-harm, or eating disorders. These issues can affect not only them but also you and your relationship. They can cause stress, conflict, instability, unpredictability, and uncertainty in your relationship.
How to cope: Try to be supportive and compassionate towards your partner and their mental health issues. Encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already done so. You can also offer to accompany them to therapy sessions or support groups if they want you to. However, don’t forget to take care of yourself and your own mental health as well. You can also seek your own therapy or support if you need it.
6. They are too negative or pessimistic
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too negative or pessimistic about everything. They might always focus on the worst-case scenarios, the problems, or the risks. They might also complain, criticize, or blame a lot. They might not have much hope, optimism, or gratitude for anything. These behaviors can affect your mood, outlook, and motivation. They can also make you more anxious and depressed.
How to cope: Try to challenge your partner’s negative or pessimistic thoughts and beliefs. Help them see the positive aspects, the solutions, or the opportunities in any situation. You can also share some positive affirmations, quotes, or stories with them. You can also practice some gratitude exercises with them, such as writing down or saying out loud what you are thankful for each day.
7. They are too demanding or unrealistic
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too demanding or unrealistic of you. They might have high or unreasonable expectations of you, such as how you should look, act, think, or feel. They might also pressure you to do things that you are not comfortable with or ready for, such as moving in together, getting married, having children, or changing careers. These behaviors can make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or inadequate. They can also make you doubt yourself and your abilities.
How to cope: Try to communicate with your partner about how their demands or expectations affect you. Tell them how it makes you feel and how it impacts your anxiety. Ask them to be more flexible, reasonable, and respectful of you and your choices. You can also set some goals with them that are realistic, achievable, and mutually beneficial.
8. They are too inconsistent or unreliable
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too inconsistent or unreliable in their words or actions. They might say one thing but do another. They might promise you something but not follow through. They might also change their mind or mood frequently. These behaviors can make you feel confused, frustrated, or betrayed. They can also make you distrust your partner and your relationship.
How to cope: Try to confront your partner about their inconsistency or unreliability. Tell them how it makes you feel and how it impacts your anxiety. Ask them to be more honest, trustworthy, and dependable towards you. You can also establish some rules or agreements with them that both of you will follow and respect.
9. They are too secretive or dishonest
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too secretive or dishonest with you. They might hide things from you, lie to you, or cheat on you. They might also avoid answering your questions or sharing their feelings with you. These behaviors can make you feel hurt, angry, or betrayed. They can also make you paranoid, suspicious, or insecure.
How to cope: Try to confront your partner about their secrecy or dishonesty. Tell them how it makes you feel and how it impacts your anxiety. Ask them to be more open, transparent, and faithful towards you. You can also ask for some proof or evidence if you have doubts or suspicions about them.
10. They are too different from you
Another reason why your partner might make your anxiety worse is that they are too different from you in terms of personality, values, beliefs, goals, interests, hobbies, etc. You might have trouble understanding each other, communicating with each other, or compromising with each other. You might also have conflicts, disagreements, or arguments frequently. These differences can make you feel incompatible, disconnected, or unhappy with your partner.
How to cope: Try to appreciate and celebrate the differences between you and your partner instead of seeing them as problems or threats. Learn more about each other’s personality traits, values, beliefs, goals, interests, hobbies, etc., and try to find some common ground or similarities between them. You can also try some new things together that both of you enjoy or are curious about.
If you feel that your partner is making your anxiety worse for any of the reasons mentioned above (or any other reasons), try to talk to them calmly and honestly about it. Explain to them how their behavior affects you and what they can do differently to help you cope better with your anxiety. Also, listen to their perspective and try to understand where they are coming from. Communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. It can help you and your partner overcome the challenges that anxiety brings and strengthen your bond.
However, if you feel that your partner is not willing or able to change their behavior or support you, or if you feel that your relationship is toxic, abusive, or unhealthy, you might want to consider ending it. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe, loved, and respected. Anxiety is not something that you have to deal with alone, especially if you have a partner.
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